Quality of LIFE

To many hearing people I come across. the decision to get a cochlear implant seems obvious. To them.  When I express my feelings around the implant and my feelings against them. I am met with strong feelings about Micah's quality of life.

But. here's how I feel about my sons naturally beautiful birthright to be Deaf.

• Why are hearing people soo sure that hearing sound is more quality than the visual world of the Deaf person?
• My sons is a happy functioning baby, he has exposure to communication and language, SIGN language. Why is it soo important to speak and fit into the mainstream world of the hearing?
• To those of you who dont understand why I quickly jump to the defense of how Deaf life is  fulfilling and is enough, remember I am Micah's advocate, his Mother, his biggest fan and his voice when he doesn't have one. If I wont fight for my son's rights who will?
• I feel alone. I feel like no one understands my protective instincts. I need to meet other people like me. Why am I finding that soo many people who implant their children, do not sign with them, or educate them about Deaf cutlure and the beautiful community they were born into naturally?

Here is my message to Micah:

My dear, beautiful breathtaking son. You are absolutely beautiful the way that you. Your Dad and I have never seen such a happy  and gorgeous baby boy. Your sister and brothers are crazy about you, just they way you are now, today. Deaf.

You are such a lovebug with such a big personality. You are clear about your needs, and we are learning to communicate with you in your natural languages, touch, visually, and  ASL. We love your language and soo does the rest of the family. Because we love you and respect the cutlture and community you were already a part of the day you were born. Micah, you are Gods child, you don't need to "fit" intop anyone elses expectations of what a quality of life should be like, you ARE the quality of life.

My beautiful boy, I dont want to change anything about you at all. I will, however, give you opportunities if I feel they are something you might want to explore in life and have the option to choose or not to choose.

If we decide to get the implant, I need you to understand that it is only because we want you to have Opportunities. You do with themwhatever you choose. If someday we do get implants, we got them as a family, and if we choose not to get the implant, we make that decision as a family and we will all support you either way and we will always do everything we possibly can to meet all of your needs and give you ever bit of support that we can. We love you more then you will ever know. Whatever decision we do make, is one out of love, and this is definitely the hardest decison I have ever had to make in my lifetime. I love you Micah Jose Nahale Israel. You are my heart, and your smile is my world.

Bye Bye 9-5

Turning Over a New Leaf
Guess who is going to  once and for all, and work at home and be  with my boy?/ ME!
It is time for me to make this huge leap of faith and trust that God will provide and help me do this! I am terrified, but I am excited to be home with my sweet boy. I have had one bad experience after another at our child care, they are lovely people, but they are just not able to provide the special care, and give special attention to my Micah.

Lately, when I drop him off he screams and grabs onto me. It tells me he doesn't feel the same safety as he does at home. This is a huge blessing and a huge risk but I have faith it will turn out however it is meant to;)

The Girls

You learn new things every day!

I finally went in for a bra fitting at Nordies... I didnt know you have to get butt friggin naked in front of your little dressing room helper, but the end result was amazing, I finally know my real bra size! I have been fitted before, but I dont think the other fittings were accurate, I still spill out of my bras and nursing bras, but after this fitting, I learned that

1)  My girls are much BIGGER than I thought!!
2) If your strap slips it doesnt mean your measurement is too big, it just means your cup size is oFF!
3) ELOMI bras are the best. Period. Even the nursing bras rock.

Now, I feel soo much more comfortable, it takes some digging to find Elomi bras that aren't over 70 bucks. I have already spent hundreds on new bras, so now I dig onlien for coupon codes and bra sales.

Today I ordered an Elomi strapless, I haven't been able to wear a strapless in years, we shall see if I am finally able to wear one in Vegas in a few weeks:)

One Less Deaf Mentor

I was reading one of my favorite blogs today, and came across this comment from a reader:

The comment is as follows:

I can only respond to this comment with my experience as a hearing person who learned ASL as an adult. I am an interpreter and a teacher. I teach deaf and hard of hearing children. I came to teaching in a much different way than most teachers of the deaf as I was an interpreter before I was a teacher and therefore my bias is that I have a cultural perspective on the Deaf Community rather than a pathological or deficit perspective.

When I see little kids with implants, even though I realize their parents have made that decision out of love and desire for their children to be the happiest and most successful thay can be, my heart hurts. It isn't a logical response but an emotional response. One lovely little deaf kid who will no longer be Deaf. A future member of the community - lost. A next generation of leadership, one for the current group of teens to mentor, no longer there. If your child with a (working) implant is actually bilingual and bicultural - bravo! This is unusual.

I know one challenge to youth programs I am involved in today is including deaf kids with CIs who do not sign fluently but are learning. How do we make the most of the precious time the ASL using deaf kids who can't hear at all have to actually socialize with complete freedom and ease as equals with their peers and yet still accommodate those kids who can't sign well enough to understand fluent ASL? The ASL using kids NEED time in an ASL envorinment for their own linguistic and cognitive development - they are all mainstreamed and have hearing parents so they don't get this opportunity very often. However, once the CI kids arrive, the number of kids using English-based signing and speech alone rises. This means the ASL using kids are once again (in the long list of times they are marginalized - home, school, everywhere they go) out of the loop and wondering what people are saying. This is a dilemma. No easy answers in a world where Deaf people are an increasingly tiny minority.

It brings me back to a message received from a friends brother0in-law who is also Deaf: Here is that message as well.

As a Deaf person, a professor of ASL/Deaf Culture, and an expert in the field of Deaf culture, I will advise her not to try CI. Yes, CIs could restore some hearing and some deaf children with CIs are able to speak. Parents need to remember that CIs do not make deaf children hearing and deaf children will still have to be trained to identify sounds before they could begin to learn Spoken English as their first language. CIs will not make deaf children proficient in Spoken English. You can see that CIs do not guarantee anything. I know that some deaf children with CIs still struggle with their social identity even if they are integrated into the mainstream world. Such struggles could lead to cognitive, emotional, and behavioral issues. Getting a CI requires an invasive surgery which is highly risky.

In addition to the attached document, being Deaf is not broken and perfectly normal. Many Deaf people like myself are living proof that we have a healthy and successful life and this is due to the fact that we acquire ASL at an early age. Studies have shown that once a child acquires ASL at an early age, the child will have no problem acquiring English as a second language. My friend, Trudy, who is profoundly Deaf and has never used Spoken English, owns a company (TS Writing) and has edited thousands of documents written by hearing clients. She is not an exception because there are many other Deaf people like her who share a similar background - acquired ASL at an early age.

If one is worried about having to deal with barriers then s/he shouldn't. We have laws that protect our civil rights and the public awareness is much improved. More and more people and places recognize and accept Deaf people, their language, and their culture. Yes, Deaf people will encounter a barrier at some point but it is no different from other people (women, blacks, native americans, and such) who face a similar barrier.

Parents need to remember that ASL and Deaf culture DO NOT isolate/separate Deaf people from their families and the mainstream world. I know many Deaf people are very close to their families, have hearing friends, and are well integrated into the mainstream world.

Lastly, the only difference between hearing and deaf is the way of receiving/expressing information - one is through ears/mouth and another is through eyes/hands.

Hope that helps. - From John Pirone

These are the things I am pondering on today.

Bi-Lingual AND Bi-Cultural Family (ASL and Spoken English)

When I bring up cochlear implants combined with ASL to other people in our circle of parents, I feel resistance when it comes to raising Micah to be bi-lingual and bi-cultural, but why?

If we DO get them cochlear implants, why can't we teach him speech and ASL?
Why can't he grow up to be part of both worlds?

Why do we have to choose, one, or the other?

It is very surprising to me.

I feel like it is up to us, to make sure he is immersed in both worlds, so he can be part of both communities both cultures.

I know this takes allot of work, ASL class and speech habilitation, but we are up for it.
If that is the route we choose.
We aren't looking for any easy route, we want what is best for Micah.
If that means double/triple the classes for us as well, so be it.

There isn't anything I wouldn't do to make sure Micah has exposure to both worlds and cultures so that he can thrive in both.

Our Journey - Micah & Cochlear Implants

Micah is 6 1/2 months old now.
He started daycare in February, and has been doing well.
The staff is lovely and very sweet to him.

Granted, he is a very chill and easy baby, they also seem genuinely interested in helping him thrive by learning to sign to him.
I am worried that he is not getting enough language exposure. I sign every chance I get, but I know he needs more.

We have also gone through several more appointments, more testing, and Micah got new hearing aids!

If only we would be more consistent with keeping them on him.. We should put them on him much more, but it isn't easy keeping them on him because he constantly rips them off, and fusses about them and pulls at his ears when they are on. I am still experimenting with different ways to keep them on. This weekend I will be sewing some new hat designs:)

I am still at the cross roads of one of the biggest decisions I will make in life.

COCHLEAR IMPLANTS

I have to admit, I have always leaned toward NOT getting them, but I had a feeling Rico was leaning toward wanting them for Micah.

We have been home with Micah because he has been severely sick with RSV, which gave us lots of time to discuss things like the implant, and finally Rico expressed his true feelings about them.

His thought is that Micah should be given as many opportunities as we can offer.
Including the opportunity to be part of both worlds, hearing and Deaf.
He says that since implantation at a young age is better for his development of spoken language, we should get it at the age the doctor's are recommending.
But that we make sure he understands that it is his choice. If he doesn't want to use them when he is older we will fully support his decisions.

I understand that giving him opportunities is important.
However I have still not gotten passed the feeling that the whole process is an invasion of who my son is, and what he was born to be, which is beautiful and needs no adjustment, fix or change.

I feel like life for him can be full of opportunity just the way he is.

The only factor that makes me consider the implant, is safety, and communication.
I think of my son, wanting to communicate with hearing children, and not
being able to.

I see him falling and not being able to call to me for help if I do not see him.

I think of him injured and hurt and unable to scream for help.
He may use other methods of communication, but because the "mainstream" society, will not know to look for these other signals, what if he is not heard????

As a mother, I want my child to be proud of who he is, in every way. But I want him to feel safe, and I want him to be able to make new friends without getting frustrated, or feeling alone.

So, I am still reaching out to other parents, and that has been super helpful. Some parents are doing what we want to do, be bilingual with speech and ASL, and others dropped ASL completely because the doctors emphasize the importance of using speech as much as possible with an implanted child.

We want to make sure Micah can communicate when sound is off, and we want him to feel comfortable sounding off at home, using ASL anytime he wants.

Still the decisions feels far, but our audiologist says we should start the process as if we were going for the implant, just to learn about it and get things rolling early, which will prepare us should we go for it, and also educate us about it.

I will keep my blog updated:)

Day 8 of Healthy Deliciousness

What was for dinner last night?
Amazing organic and wild caught Tilapia and mango salsa on whole wheat tortillas, sound gross? It sooo is not. Check it out.
Crazy good!

AND, I just signed up for a membership at Club Zum. It is a bit pricey, but after gettign totally ripped off at All Star, I am glad to have a gym that has modern high tech, low friction equipment, free training sessions and a 60 day challenge. I am a competitive person, so any challenge is going to light a fire under my booty:)

MY MEDIATION FOR TODAY:

It feels good to nourish myself, and my family, with good healthy food.
I AM NOURISHED BECAUSE I LOVE