Monday, October 22, 2012

Just when I thought I was making some progress. And Cute video of Micah:)

One of the hardest parts of this journey, has been being able to accept the thought of the cochlear implant procedure on my son. It alone is enough to make me want to pass out as I have reflected on other posts.  Recently some friends got the cochlear implant for their daughter, and though I completely support and understand their decision for their child, I saw them at Children's hospital when I was there for an appointment, and I saw them on the day of their daughter's implant activation.  They were perfectly calm, and their daughter was fine, she had recovered really well
after surgery and was running around and happy and well
 just days after it. But  when I saw them, I talked to them, and was excited for them but as soon as I walked away, I had a panic attack. I was on the verge of tears and couldn't hold them back. Why does my heart break for these children, and more importantly, how am I going to be supportive of the decision for Micah, if I cant even handle someone else getting it? I thought I could open up more to the idea, and I have been trying, but whenever I take take two steps toward it, I take 4 steps back. I think I really need some counseling or something around this issue. Till this day, I cannot imagine myself going IN to the hospital, handing Micah over to the surgeons, and being able to wait in the waiting room while they perform this invasive procedure on my son, when I know he can be a perfectly successful thriving happy human being without it!!!!! Does anyone out there feel me? Why do I feel soo alone in this. Not even Rico agrees with me. But I understand his viewpoint too. Opportunities, the more we can provide for our children, the better. Right?

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