My beautiful Daughter and super elf:)

Teihani is BEYOND wonderful!
I feel like I may have the world's most amazing daughter.
She gives without thinking of return.
She loves to help people.
She is a good sister.
She has such a loving and kind spirit.
She is not mean, and doesn't have a mean bone in her body.
She makes me laugh.
She is honest.
She is gentle.
She is strong!
Courageous.
Intelligent!
I love her!
I couldn't have asked for a more amazing young woman, to call my own daughter!
She is teaching me new things each day!

Teihani, thank you, for all that you do for others. You are an inspiration to me.

OH MY GOODNESS- I love my baby

I can't even keep pictures of him up at my desk because it makes me lactate.... Isn't that WEIRD??? Well it does wonders for breast feeding cause when I go to pump at work, all I have to do is look at his pictures and my milk lets down:)
This morning, before going to Grandma Linda's house he woke up all bright eyed and happy like he always does, and just stared at me.
I learned some more baby signing so I shared some words with him and he threw his fists up. The Deaf call this babbling with his hands:)

My little Deaf boy is BEAUTIFUL!

Mikey's First Signing Word:)

Hey, it's a start lol:)
I actually didn't even realize his fingers were in this position until I went through the photos!

December 12-12-11 Micah's Hearing Levels Confirmed

So little Mr. babbling, Micah finally, after several long long tests, has had his hearing levels evaluated successfully.
This involved lots of comforting, sleeping, holding his head still instead of using his clever side to side maneuver to shake off the electrodes, our new doctor, Dr. Mancl of Childrens and UW health, had a different kind of quiet room, one with pillows and a reclining rocking chair.
I put Micah in my moby wrap and snuggled him close and the test was successful!

Afterwards, the doctors explained the results, and talked to us about communication opportunities. Including ASL/Speech cues/and the cochlear implant/hearing aids, etc.

My boy has hearing levels that are called Profound Permanent Hearing Loss. He didn't LOSE his hearing though, he never developed most levels of it. He is in the "profound" range which means he cannot hear speech, or regular household noises, but he can distantly hear things like vacuums, or blenders or loud trucks. As if they were across the street. The good thing is, he hears some things. The question is how can we help him communicate if he cannot hear letter pronunciation. We learn all methods, and teach him total communication, using speech cues, sign language, lip movement, and all other methods, combined into one to give him the best advantage.

He is a very visual little guy, he will laugh and talk and play and interact, you would never know that he is not hearing much sound. But as a Mommy, I did know, I always knew that if I am not in his range of vision, he cannot hear me sing, or talk. So I am always sure to speak in front of him or where he can see me. I use some exaggerated facial expressions and lots of and motions.

It is the 14th, 2 days later.

Suddenly everyone is an expert on the Deaf and the cochlear implant. Really?
Guess what, if you are not experienced IN THE DEAF community, I don't really want to hear about how you "studied" ASL in high school for a semester or something, and how you hear the entire Deaf community shuns implants or how being Deaf is a horrible, saaaad disability, etc. bleh bleh bleh
 It's ignorance...
What you took a class and now you are an expert, now you are speaking on behalf of the ENTIRE Deaf community? Really?
SHUT UP.

Sorry had to get that off my chest. I am fortunate to know people who
can provide substantial information about Deaf children and individuals as well as experience around the cochlear implants, both the pros and cons.

I think friends just need to support us and love us not shove their mis-informed opinions
in our faces.

The thing is, my son is, how he is. My feelings about putting him through invasive surgery to fix his hearing, to me, almost seems unnecessary and unfair. Yes it might make him fit in a little better with the majority main stream society, which we are surrounded by daily.

But what's wrong with being different? He is not alone, there are many Deaf children.
Someone said to me that sigh language is becoming outdated, that it is going EXTINCT?
 Who says it is outdated?
There is an entire community, Deaf CULTURE, Deaf Society, who use ASL every day, and more and more are learning it, even many hearing folks!
It is a specialized language and is everywhere!
4th most used language in the US.

My feelings about the cochlear implant is that they are wonderful but I do not know if
it is the right choice for my son.
I realize that studies show that the earlier he gets them, the better his speech will develop but I am leaning towards letting this be HIS choice when he is old enough. I love him just the way he is, and I , in only 2 days have already learned like 15 baby sign words:) My whole family is on board with learning it. We have 8-12 months to think about it.

Peace world!

10 Weeks of Pure Baby Bliss

Do you see that blue little boy? He quickly changed color but at first he sure was blue.Daddy and Mikey:)

My painted belly, by Teihani on 9/8/11 one day before Mikey came:)

My last month was a TOUGHY I tell ya, back pain, pelvis pain, shooting pains, thigh pains, you name it, I had it. AND STILL, I managed to keep working and still doing capoeira and yoga too. I don't know how I did it, it was pretty amazing and I still think back and am astounded at myself. The day I had Micah, I woke up so nervous, I couldn't sleep a wink the night before, I was so scared of what would happen. For months I had been thinking about the surgery (Micah was born via c-section) and the scariest part to me has always been the epidural. I had dreams of it and tried to focus more on how beautiful it would be to see Mikey and in the back of my mind, the lingering fear of complications lurked...
But, everything went well. At the moment of the epidural, my doctor and nurse and Rico and Tei held my hands, and helped me through as I shook and trembled and cried through silently. I was mortified, but I kept my head in Micah-mode:) Soon I heard my little boy's cry and saw his blueberry face which quickly changed to pinky colored.

AND I FELL MADLY IN LOVE
again.
with
Micah Jose Nahale Israel
6lbs 14 oz
19 inches long
9/9/11

Micah coming in only 1 week at 2 days! Yowza!

The final count down! I can hear the back ground music playing as the end approaches.
My emotions are mixed, part of me wants him to stay safe in Mommy's belly, the other part of me wants him to ease up off my aching body parts!
Above and beyond any ache or pain, is the excitement to meet and to hold and to smell, this pudgy cheeked little angel!

I am finding that I am super sensitive, and snuggly right now. I want what I want when I want it, but really I dont want much.

I love time with my family and holding little Taylor in my arms. Can't wait for him to meet his uncle!

Life is good, and it makes me sad when people around me, dont appreciate or see the beauty that surrounds us! It is everywhere just inhale it!

I feel overwhelmed with baby joy, as my beautiful family grows:) Awwww this is the good life:)

500 year old diaper

Did you know diapers take 500 years to decompose in a landfill, gross!
I began the hunt for a good reusable diaper, or biodegradable one, and came across g-diapers. 

Anyone tried these? They are pricey suckers, I just ordered a big start up set and found someone on Craigslist selling their lightly used UNSTAINED ones for only 50 bucks for like 12 pieces of newborn size.. Good deal. Finding diapers you love shouldn't be this hard. Will update you all on how the g-diapers are.

Loving Life as Lola

Taylor Leland Beck
Lola's beautiful baby boy is here!! He is going to be a month old soon! He is absolutely precious! The young parents are doing well, and SheAnna is feeling much better.
Taylor likes to sleep and eat and he makes the funniest little faces! He is a total suggle bug and I love nothing more than to just snuggle with him. He likes to sit with my on my patio, while the birds chirp and I sing him a song:)

He is such a blessing! Micah is going to just love his little nephew!

Pregnant Capoerista- Batizado Time! 8 months pregz

Despite my aches and pains, allowing my body to move, actually feels good. It is the slow movements, or the resting that hurts the most! Can you believe my most painful time of day is at night when I lay down. Suddenly I can feel every aching part of my body and it is miserable! My Rico, is so wonderful to me, he just wants to "fix" it. He does everything he can, only to end up going to sleep feeling defeated by my back aches, but his trying, sure is the sweetest thing ever. Our capoeira group is having our Batizado this week.

All throughout pregnancy, I have trained sporadically and continued to play when I can, at home or in the park. Last time I played in front of a group, people came up to me after wards to shake my hand and tell me how amazing it was to see someone sooo pregnant, train. I didn't realize it was soo unusual..
I felt amazing.

Even with my belly semi in my way of some of my favorite kicks:) I got news today, that I have the green light to attend all Batizado festivities!
I am ecstatic, but I am not expecting too much of myself.
The bottom line is, I am going to take it really easy. If I can't do a thing, I will just face that I can't do the thing! Respect my body Listen to my body Hope Micah is in the belly enjoying the drums and movements.

AND if he does decide to pop out during the festivities, well then it will be the most special Batizado ever:)

Learning to Slow Down

I am actively working on learning how to slow down my busy life! It's not easy, let me tell you. I am used to making my schedule jam packed with things, activities, and errands, but
my little belly baby is sending me messages via back-pain, to slow my roll.

It is a process!

I feel good though, and I have been spending time doing things I enjoy that are less strenuous, like vegging out at Moms house, snacking on fruit and watching movies, or taking a long bubble bath and hanging out at home snuggled up with my hunny watching movies.

Or snuggling up with Tei and taking a nap in the middle of the day. It feels so nice and relaxing.

I am now 31 weeks along and boy is my belly huge! I have those not so great feeling days when I just want to waddle into bed and sleep, cause I am just so round, and sometimes it is so uncomfortable on my hips. Plus doc keeps poking me for blood, over and over, and that is no fun. BUT I LOVE when I get to hear Micah's strong heart beat, and hearing how well he is doing makes me so happy. I still tear up everytime I hear his heart, and I always hug my belly as if I could reach in and embrace him. I seriously, cannot wait for the moment I meet my little boy.

Batatazhino - 26 weeks

Baby's room slowly coming along:)

Micah my "Batatazhino" or "Little Potato"
I am 26 weeks, Micah is the size of a large eggplant.
He kicks all the time and has the cutest little hiccups, which I read, can be soothing to him.
Dad talks to him all the time, and gives both of us lots of kisses morning and night.
I got a boppy body pillow which is finally allowing me some good sleep!
I feel good, family is good, busy, but balanced and I even get to squeeze capoeira in, here and there. Which truly makes me happy:)
Big Sis Teihani, has spent time organizing Micah's clothes and helping get things ready. She talks to him sometimes and the other day her head was close to my belly and he kicked her, she was sleeping so she didn't know:)

Daddy has been painting Mica's bedroom shelf and he picked up my glider. Baby's room slowly coming along.

Life is soo full and plentiful and full of so much love and joy sometimes it's too much to embrace.

Life is beautiful.
I can't wait to hold Micah's little hand for the first time while he looks up at me with his Fathers gorgeous eyes:)

True Friendship

A real friend knows that you love them,
even if you haven't spoken for weeks, months, and even years.

Time doesn't really exist between you, because when you do talk, it's
like you never missed a moment, and your friendship has not faded at all.

Friends respect and understand your busy life, full of responsibilities and
family obligations, and time alone or time with your loved one.

Friends know, that even on their worst day, if they called you and you didn't pick up, that you love them, and that not answering doesn't mean you
love them any less.

True friends know that you always want to see them happy.

Friends don't make you meet their unrealistic and unfair expectations, instead they love you for exactly who you are nothing more and nothing less.

If they do not love all that you are, they are not your friend.

Kind and Not-So-Kind Parenting

Parenting, done with yelling, impatience, anger, and frustration, is like watering a flower with vinegar and soda. COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE.

I try really hard not to say anything when I see people I know use this emotionally unhealthy parenting approach, without any understanding of their child's feelings. It literally hurts me to be around it and to see the confused hurt look on their children's faces! These people, are loving, kind, sweet people, to their friends. But with their children, they are impatient and out of control. Guess what that does to their children? Make them impatient and out of control! Then their parents wonder "why is my child like this?" Hmmm.. I wonder... Why can't some parents understand that the language their children speak, is more action based then it is WORD based. So you can sit their and talk and talk and talk and talk and criticize and preach all you can, all they hear, is the action and feeling behind your words. For instance, a 3 year old, is in the mall, exhausted, she is screaming and crying, because as a 3 year old, she is not capable of expressing it like this:" I am a bit fatigued, and would prefer to take a nap then go shopping" Umm. No.
She is 3
You have to READ her actions. If she is starting to cry and fuss and complain, does it help to say things like: "do you want other children to see you laughing and make fun of you??? Then STOP crying!!!" To the child, this just sounds cruel. Then there's the hit, "if you don't stop I am going to spank your butt" yeah genius, hit your exhausted crying child, that will help her calm right down!!! Why didn't I think of that?? Or how about I HIT YOU??? Will that calm YOU DOWN?
Try distracting your child, if you really must shop right that moment, you should have brought,a place for the child to rest, like a folding stroller, some snacks, some books or toys to occupy them, and be prepared to take a few minutes here and there to interact and calm your child. Sorry, I had to vent, I know several people that parent, by unnecessary screaming and yelling, and hitting, and their children, are mostly ill mannered and frustrated, and constantly acting up. WHEN WITH THAT PARENT. Leave that same child alone with me, and they are calm, happy and well behaved. Doesn't take a rocket scientist!! PARENTING TAKES PATIENCE COMMUNICATION AND THE ABILITY TO LEARN YOUR CHILD'S LANGUAGE!!!!!

A Baby Shower for Elijah and Sheanna!! Ladies only please:)

These are being popped in the mail today- so look out for them:) Ciao!

This Weekend

Wow, what a weekend, somewhere in between two birthday celebrations, a wedding, Folk Life Festival, shopping, a sprained wrist, getting Teihani ready for camp, and family time,

we got to hang out with Sheanna (Elijah's baby mama to be), for the first time.

It has always saddened me a bit that we don't really know her. Her baby will be here in 2 short months. I know I have to build a relationship with her now, so she knows we will be part of her support network always.

I have met her before, even taken her to dinner, but I didn't really get to know her.
So we had her over for the whole weekend.

I took her to finish her baby registry, and to have dinner with my family where she got to meet all of our goofy counterparts:)
Everyone loved her and so do I.

They are soo young, that much is obvious, but I believe they have good nurturing instincts and that Sheanna will be a good Mommy, regardless of her age as long as she remembers to have patience and understanding at times when it feels impossible.
They seem love eachother, they are actually quite sweet together.
When all was done, ELijah said it was the best weekend of his life, and he has been all smiles ever since. He said he was soo happy to have all his favorite gals in one place, and that he wished Shawnna, his Auntie could have been there too.

All and all it was special, and I am thankful for the time we had with her.

To Micah

One day, I hope you will get to read this Micah Jo,
I want to make sure you know
how much your Mom and Dad love each other.

We love spending time just snuggling and watching you move in my belly.

We like to imagine you sleeping, right in the middle of us all snuggled up and safe as can be.

We love watching you kick around when your Dad plays his favorite songs for you.

We are pretty crazy about each other and we're pretty crazy about you too,
little one:) Cannot wait to meet you and kiss those pudgy cheeks of yours.

24 Weeks!

24 Weeks!!!

I am officially in my 6th month of pregnancy!
I can't even believe I only have 3 more months.
It sort of makes me sad to think of him outside of his safe little liquid haven.
I love feeling him move, and hiccup and just be, inside me, growing, and becoming.
Its amazing!

Here is what Micah looks like inside there this week!

Life is good, I feel great, my only complaints are back pain and sleepiness, and loss of appetite.
Arent I supposed to have the appetite of an insatiable beast right now?

Nothing sounds good, only papayas, different fruit, and maybe cold things like ice cream, or bubble tea.

We are still unpacking, having come close to finishing but I love our new home:)

Ups and Downs

Pregnancy is sort of a mixed bag of goodies.
Some days you reach in and pull out candy, and toys and trinkets and flowers, you know all that warm happy FUZZY stuff:)
Other days, you reach in and the pit feels bottomless! Sort of yucky, and bleh. You know, like an old gummy bear at the bottom of your purse.
Our hormones during pregnancy are all over the place- and we are uber sensitive to emotions and feelings and our reactions are felt through to the soul.

All we need is for people to keep their word.
To be kind
Supportive
and to listen
or give BACK sometimes
Sometimes it feels like people just take take take and take some more and then call and see if they can take just a lil more..

Sometimes, I feel like I spend soo much time listening to all the worries
and problems of everyone else, and giving all my light and sunshine and happiness to
everyone else,

I saved none for me!

Resulting in, one, tired, super tired, and down Wendy..

Is this just what happens when your calling in life is the helper, supporter, listening and advice giver to those you love?
I don't think so, I think the same love should always be reciprocated.

So I am on listen strike, and hour long advice phone call protest, cause right now, I really need to listen, and care for me and take a little time to give me more hugs, and spend more time praying.

Love ME Week:) Self declared and well worth it!

My Astrological Chart- hmmmm interesting:)

Here is the Astro Chart you requested:

Hi there, here is the interpretation of the astrological chart that you asked for. Thank you for visiting our web site. This report has been created especially for you. It represents your Unique picture at the time you were born and at the place you were born. If you are unsure of the exact time of day of your birth (or the date or the place), the reading will probably not seem as accurate as it could be in certain places, but other parts will seem to be very appropriate. You will notice at certain places in the reading that contradictory information seems to be given. This is to be expected, because the personality of most people is extremely complex. For example, at times we are quite shy and at other times we are very aggressive, and so forth. You will also notice that, at certain points in the reading, certain patterns may be repeated over and over, especially in a longer more detailed report than this one. This is also to be expected. This simply means that your horoscope has an extremely strong focus on this particular pattern and that you should pay extra close attention to what is said about it. Now, on with your Report!

Name: Wendy Cruz
February 7 1978
12:00 PM Time Zone is PST
San Francisco, CA

Rising Sign is in 04 Degrees Gemini
Extremely active by nature, you like to get around, meet people and do different things. Very restless, you just can't seem to stay put. You need to be involved in several projects at once in order to keep your mind stimulated. You like to read books and to write letters and to talk -- constantly. Seemingly ageless, you will always appear to be much younger than you really are. Very adaptable and inquisitive, you are always open to new ideas and experiences. A "jack-of-all-trades", you are lively and versatile. Because of the high nervous tension that you always seem to have, athletic activity would be a good way for you to burn off energy. But be careful of a tendency to experience things only superficially -- try to dig in and absorb things at a deeper level.

Sun is in 18 Degrees Aquarius.
You get bored with the status quo and are generally open to new things and ideas. An individualist and a free spirit, your friends are quite important to you as long as they do not try to tie you down by making too many emotional demands on you. Your thoughts are offbeat and you're a bit eccentric, but not always very changeable. As a matter of fact, you can be quite stubborn at times. Very fair-minded when dealing with large groups or broad issues, you are not always emotionally sensitive to the needs of individuals. Extremely objective, with good powers of observation, you would be qualified to study technical and complicated subjects, like science, computers or maybe even astrology.

Moon is in 21 Degrees Aquarius.
Very freedom-oriented, you must always be able to do what you wish, no matter what. You become stubborn and recalcitrant when others try to force you into a mold. You are a true democrat -- you are not a follower, but you enjoy being with those who are like-minded. You appreciate emotional self-control -- you practice it yourself and you look for it in others. You solve problems, including emotional ones, with your brains and intellect, not your feelings. Try to be tolerant of those who have powerful and obvious emotional responses -- not everyone is as objective, cool, dispassionate and detached as you are.

Mercury is in 04 Degrees Aquarius.
You tend to be very opinionated -- you have strongly felt notions about things and are quite vocal about expressing and defending them. Yet you are also an original thinker -- you enjoy shocking others with your offbeat, original thoughts. You appreciate and need mental and intellectual stimulation. Your judgment is usually fair and impartial -- you can be a good critic because you can remain objective and unemotional about most things.

Venus is in 22 Degrees Aquarius.
You are a friendly and outgoing individual, but close relationships are difficult for you to maintain due to your fear that they will cause you to lose your freedom. You attract friends and associates who are exciting, different and sometimes a bit odd. You are popular with others and enjoy working within a group toward group goals.

Mars is in 25 Degrees Cancer.
Your moods are very important to your overall well-being. You are confident and self-assertive when you are feeling upbeat, and you are retiring, irritable and grumpy when you get depressed about anything. Very sensitive, you wear your heart on your sleeve. You are easily angered whenever you think someone has slighted you. It is best for you to show your anger immediately and let it all out, rather than to try to hold it in or to hold grudges for a long time. You're extremely loyal and defensive of your family, neighborhood, community and culture.

Jupiter is in 26 Degrees Gemini.
You have a logical, detached, objective view of most things. Your interests are wide-ranging and you are an avid student, with expertise in many different areas. You love to work things out in your mind -- everything you do is reduced to an exercise in logic and reason. You have the ability to grasp abstractions and to deal successfully with the larger issues of life. Your overemphasis on developing your powerful intellect can cause your emotional and intuitive abilities to atrophy unless you consciously choose to exercise them.

Saturn is in 27 Degrees Leo.
Extremely self-reliant, you set very high standards of conduct and decorum for yourself, and you expect others with whom you associate to be that way, too. It is important that you had a strong father figure or role model early in life to mold your life course and direction. When you feel that those around you are unworthy or behaving badly, you withdraw, preferring solitude rather than associating with those who might besmirch your reputation.

Uranus is in 16 Degrees Scorpio.
You, and your peer group, demand to confront life at its deepest and most meaningful levels. Very compulsive and obsessive in your approach to everything, you will avoid anything that is casual or superficial, especially when it comes to relationships. You will seek out and explore new methods of healing as well as different ways to deal with deep-seated emotional problems.

Neptune is in 17 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village."

Pluto is in 16 Degrees Libra.
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments -- they will not be entered into lightly.

Certified in Mental Health First Aid!

Guess who is officially certified and finished a long long crash course in psychology courtesy of Union Gospel Mission, since we are required to have this training if we work on the UGM mental health team.
Moi! (mee)
I got my license on my fridge and errr-thang:)

I finished a course given by the National Institute of Mental Health to teach us how identify and help people suffering from mental illness, drug abuse disorders, and eating disorders.

The course taught us all about different kinds of disorders, their triggers, their signs and symptoms, and ways to provide first aid until the patient gets to a care facility, we also learned all of the area resources so that we can proved referrals, and act as advocates.
It was very fascinating, TIRING but fascinating.
I have to admit, I cried several times during the course, because we heard about allot of peoples' stories, one of which was told by a woman, Liz, whose brother was bi-polar and schizophrenic, and had disappeared, shortly after, his body was finally found in a field of John Does in Pennsylvania, this brave woman shared her story and I could feel every ounce of her pain.

So many stories, they hit me hard, because we all feel so helpless when someone we love is mentally ill. Especially if they suffer from

Anosognosia:

The inability to be aware of ones own mental illness... Because without their, or their partners compliance we cannot get help for these people, and they, don't think they need it.

Well, my journey will be long, and before I can go out and save the world, I have to finish a couple other classes in emergency response, and team orientations, then I will be able to go out and work with the mentally ill homeless community because I got so tired of wishing there was something I could do, I decided to DO SOMETHING.

Mental illness has touched my loved ones in the most painful of ways. I cannot stand by and watch other people suffer....

21 weeks

I am 21 weeks along now, and Micah is kicking and moving and very active in the belly:)


He goes up by my ribs, down by my lower abodomen, and to the side and sometimes right up front right in the middle, like he is now. I can feel him, I am not sure what parts of him I am touching but it feels like a shoulder or his butt:)

The doctor says that he is likely to be stuck in a breech position, because of some random lining in my uterus that might be stopping him from moving to the upside down position. I sure hope my boy has enough room to move around in there!

I can't wait to meet him! To hug him and smell his cheek.. To nuzzle his face.
To comfort him..

I dream of him all the time.
After having children and loving them with every ounce of my life, it is hard to imagine feeling that immense love all over again, and I am soo looking forward to guiding another life. It is

He is going to have one huge, and loving family and also a few relatives that are his age, baby Mason, baby Austin, and baby Leland.

Lately I feel good, I have days where I feel like I am riding an emotional roller coaster without a seat belt. But overall I feel good. I feel loved, and my family is good to me. My hunny, is soo good to me. I can't imagine what I would do
without him.
He is my rock. He keeps me grounded and sane and he is so tender and supportive. Like a dream come true!

New house is warm and cozy, still unpacking but it feels right for our
growing family.

We are all healthy, we are all alive and life is good:)

Teihani, the movie maker:)

My little film maker and Rico and I got to star in our first Music Video!!!

Beauty

I find beauty in laugh wrinkles.
My daughters sleepy cheeks.
My hunny's eyes, a dark brown with hints of hazel.
His eyelashes...

I find beauty in my stretch marks and a growing belly.
I find beauty in my son's laughter.

I find beauty in the sky and green leaves
in the love story of a homeless couple I met

Dave and Lynette

Beauty lies in the lovers eye
it lives in the moments spent
in silence
when touch
and the breath
speaks immeasurable words
without a sound

beauty lies in sincerity
in the inability to be vain
or cruel

it swims in the soul
of those who truly care
who truly love

who truly feel....

It's a Boy!!!

Micah Jose Israel
I cant wait to meet my little boy on September 13, 2011.

We found out it was a boy on 4/26/11.

I was hoping to be surprised but Daddy wanted to know, so we did what was fair, and we flipped for it. Tails he won. Over and over and over, and the sweetheart even tried to give me best out of three, then best out of five, then even one last try! It was sweet of him but I knew, I lost fair and square.

Fate wanted us to know! Which is a good thing because I was so sure of it being a girl that I bought girl clothes and everything and well, I sure was wrong!
I cant wait to meet my sweet little baby boy!

We are trying to figure out wedding plans, do we do it in Hawaii before baby comes? Or after baby comes?? Hmmmmmmm

Well since I have been approved for 3 months off of work, I am starting to think we should go to Hawaii and get married during my last month of leave, that way we can stay a while:)

life.....

It seems like just yesterday when Elijah was 3. Now my boy is almost 17 and going to be a Dad.

At first, when Elijah hesitantly, shared the news with me. I was angry, I was sad, I was disappointed, and scared. I was worried that my son was signing up for a life of difficulty, struggle, and trials no young man should endure before seeing the world, taking in the beauty of distant lands and loves.
I just wanted so much more for him.

But as you know, I too, fell in puppy love at 12 and was 16 when we found out I was pregnant. We had our son, Elijah, at 17. One choice that I did not want to pass down to my own children was the choice to become a very young parent.

Because even though I was a good Mother, I should have waited, until we were both much more mature. We were just so sure that our life was perfect, and that we would provide a perfect upbringing for our son, and the world seemed like it would bend to our will. But we struggled, and had to juggle parenting with self discovery and that, my friends, is why we should have waited.

We are different people at 17 than we are at 20, or 25, or 30 and our patience and wisdom, grows with age and our children deserve to have adults as parents, not children, as parents, children that are still learning soo much about the essentials of life...

However,

when I told my parents, I was not met with anger, I was met with support, and love. When we told his parents, we were not scolded or yelled at, we were met with even more support and love.

So my reaction to my son's news didn't reflect that... I yelled, cried,probably scared Elijah half to death, and felt sick for days. It was fear...
All I wanted, was for him to live, see the world, and have countless adventures before being tied down by family.

I wanted him to be free and able to do as he pleased without the heavy worries of life's big responsibilities, at 17, or worrying about having a sitter so he can finish school, or take a test, or work his first job. So on and so forth my mind was reeling with confusion and worry....

I was heart broken, almost the point of utter denial. I never spoke of it to anyone but my children or Rico, plus since I am pregnant too, I just kept thinking of how life was about to go spinning out of control for all of us and the life I have always considered light, happy and blessed was going to take a hard turn.

But time passed, and I lifted my hands to God and prayed daily, to give me strength to help see my son through this. He is terrified, and worried that he now has a hopeless future, probably because of how he was met with anger and sadness when he told us they were having a child.

I realized, now is the time to strengthen that backbone of mine, and test the courage, optimism, and strength I have always believe to be born into my soul, and be supportive of my son and their decision to have a baby.

God comforted me, and gave me back that strength and understanding and the ability to give my son hope, and support even if I do not agree with the decision, I will be loving and supportive of my son and any decision he makes.

I now, paint my babies room, knowing that it will be a room for two adorable little baby boys and I will LOVE, adore and treat Elijah's son, as my own, and I will hear the laughter and tears of those two boys and I won't even know what life was like, nor will I remember the day I was
saddened by the news of the arrival of my first grandson.
Because at that point all he will bring to my world is happiness.

I don't care about what anyone thinks, I care about what Elijah thinks. Of his future, and his goals, and what he can accomplish despite being a young Father. I care that he sees just as bright and full of a future as anyone else. I don't want him to lose faith or hope so I have to remind him that this will be a challenge
but that he can still accomplish ANYTHING he can dream up in that
peanut head of his:)


I can't wait to meet the little guy, and he already has a built in best-friend in my belly-baby, Micah:) Just like Elijah had his Rickey.

I might be one young Lola, but I am ready
Thanks for reading, as our family is growing, I am seeing my role morph and change and every part of that feels like a blessing even the little suprises:)

a womb made warrior

oh you are mistaken littlest
of little ones
you will not grow to be
afraid of dark hallways and
shadows in the night
afraid of singing in front of crowds
or of being alone
you will not be left to
fight your greatest fights
or
face your deepest fears
a fragile glass like girl
with hope lost
in hopelessness
no no no
you will not
face a sunset
with the thoughts
of
the end.
You my girl, are not
doomed to be like him
-
you may have his eyes
his energy
his
lips
and charm
and all of that

but I did not
grow you in my belly from
molecules
to a beautiful strong
astounding young
womb made
warrior
-
so that you can give up
like him
I will not allow the world
to assign that fate to you my love
-
you my dear
were made with
a special something something
that will help you fight

the greatest fight

live long days
and the longest of nights

until you kiss some
precious baby toes
with your weathered lips.
toes and fingers
of which your own blood runs

you will see many moons and many suns
you will face many dark places with
a heart of fire

My dear girl
you are stronger than
you will ever know or comprehend
and you will never have thoughts of
the end.

* I was in a class that mentioned the high percentage of suicide among children who lost a parent by the suicide. At first I panicked, worrying that Teihani might be at a higher risk for suicide! My heart raced for what felt like days, everytime I thought of it..
I quickly signed us up for counseling and the whole bit, when to my surprise our counselor quit us. She said we didn't need her, that we communicate so well, and in such a healthy way that she thought our sessions weren't needed.
I realized, I had assigned the unnecessary grief to my girl, the possibilities that she was an exception to, and that with God, and all the love and support of those around her, she will be just fine.

Capoeirista Mami

Capoeira Capoeira Capoeira Capoeira:)

Last night Teihani and I went to Renton to join a mixed class group for training and an
open roda.
It felt amazing to train, I even went in the roda. Did some cartwheels (A'us) and al kinds of kicks and esquivas. It felt great, of course it did , capoeira is essential to the happiness of my soul. When I have to stay away for long periods, I feel all sorts of out of balance.

The only difference in my game, was my instinct to back away from my opponent rather then the up close game I usually play. Have to protect the belly, but once I started to realize I had more control
I'm not too sore today and I felt only a tiny bit nauseated.

Here are the perks, this way combined with yoga, I can really (try to ) keep my prego-bod in shape!
AND baby gets to learn about capoeira super early as she is hearing the drums, singing and music from inside my tum tum.
AXE'!!!!!!!!


Do believe I will be having my tiny little capoeirista training as soon as she can walk:)
Or maybe HE? I did have 2 dreams already that I had a Micah, instead of an Amaleha. So maybe that's a sign?? Either way, I cant wait to kiss and smell baby cheeks! lol

First Cri-mester is Over! Woo hooo!

I know it's supposed to be trimester but it has really been an awful couple of months. Hopefully ths 2nd trimester will bring with it, some normal feeling days! Fewer head aches, less nausea, an appetite and a libido. TMI?
Sorry...

So maybe, with the passing of this AWFUL morning sickness, I can re-gain focus on my creative aspirations.

Capoeira

THE SHOP

Jewelry Making

And Lumpia catering

It's time to get the ball rolling! Much to do, and hopefully I will now have the energy to make it all happen.

Oh here are the specs on the baby this week:)
She is the size of a big lemon now.. How precious! My sweet little lemon:)

I can feel her move already! Tiny little fluttering thumps on the inside of my lower tummy.

It is a miracle, new life.

I marvel each day at what miracles are happening in my body.
I am in Awww of the magic of it all.

I was snuggling Teihani and she told me she couldn't wait to have a baby brother or sister, it melts me how sweet she is with babies! She is a gentle nurturing love. She will be a tremendous helping hand. I am lucky to have the family that I have:) Might not be conventional, but it's just right for me:)

I'm such a UTI chicken!

So, last weekend we went to San Francisco.

When we were about an hour into the flight, I felt this crazy urge to go to the restroom, when I did, at the tail end I thought I was breaking in two! There was an intense pain in my lower abdomen, and I gripped the walls of that tiny friggen bathroom and almost screamed. What I had was the result of holding my pee too long for the nights before. Cause I got soo tired of running to the bathroom 5 times a night.
I cherish my sleep, and my constant urge to run to the toilet was messing with my beauty rest.
End result, the first Bladder Infection of my 33 years of LIFE.
A very common thing during pregnancy....
NO BUENO

So first thing I did when we landed was call my doctor.
NOTE TO SELF: If you have to leave a voice always leave your name and birth date, or no one will know who they heck you are. Lesson learned.

I ended up leaving a mystery message about having a UTI and when the nurse called me back (message which I got AFTER biz hours on a Friday) she reminded me that she couldn't pass on the message cause she didn't know who I was.
DUH!!!! So after kicking myself a few times -
I drank the nastiest cranberry juice on EARTH, and took some cystex. After 3 days, it finally got better. But those three days were some of the worst of my life, oh, and they were
the days of my vacation.
Lovely.
Luckily, the smiles of my lovely friends and family distracted me somewhat from my UTI and highly emotional self. (Example: on our road trip down to Gilroy I cried for about 25 minutes, on the down low, you know looking out the window hoping no one notices, because I felt bad for all the cows that I could see roaming their pastures unaware of their inevitable fate).
What? I am an animal softy....

Somehow though my daughter ALWAYS knows if I have been crying. I told her it was allergies, not to lie but to not start thinking about the animals again!

Long story short, never holding my pee again, ever.. Cuz I am officially a UTI chicken!

13th week of prego-hood:)

I am at my 13th week! Almost out of the first trimester (thank goodness!)
Although I am beaming with anticipation to meet my new little one, my body is feeling not so great.
Morning sickness now sticks around all day, and just about every food on earth makes me want to RALPH except for fruit.. So I live off of mintwater (peppermint of course) and lots of Fruit.

You can find Metro Mint at Whole Foods or QFC

They did the trick at first, now, not so much.

I am also adjusting to this new found pickiness about what I eat. I used to be something of an eat anything disposal of yummy foods. Now I am a total smell freak, fruit fiend and just about anything warm, doesn't appeal anymore.

I find myself asking myself, you don't like fries anymore? Who the heck are you?

In the midst of the madness, dealing with crazy deadlines at work, lots of after work STUFF and
taking care of my family, I have just been trying to remember that it is all for the best cause ever, LIFE!

We already have our NAMES I will tell you but you can't share it okay?
Our girl name (and I tell you I am sure we are having a girl)
just my gut instinct;)

It is:
Amaleha Monroe Cruz Israel

Amaleha (pronounced like Awmalayah) is a name that pays homage to one of my dearest friends, Margaret. Her Moms name was Amalea and she passed when Margaret was young. Margaret spoke of her and showed me many pictures of her and I knew that was where my good friend got her beautiful smile, outrageous kindness, peacefulness, and silly sense of humor. Making her one of my favorite people on the planet till this day. I have always called her my Sister and a huge part of me believes that she is.

Margaret's first Daughters name is "Maleha" So we Teihani and I , sat on her bed and brainstormed names, and she mixed Amaliah with Maleha and we came up with Amaleha Monroe.


(yes, yes I totally budged on the name Sparrow, it wasn't easy but I just couldn't get my family on board! I can still call her Sparrow though..

Our boy name:
Micah Jose Cruz Israel

We are NOT going to find out what we are having- we are going to be surprised, can you imagine, I mean who does that??
US that's who:)
Rico has been wonderful, he is the backrubbing, hand massaging, comforting, loving, and snuggly dream come true for me, he makes sure I have bedside water all the time, and he asks me a hundred times a day what he can to help me feel better. He wakes me up with a bunch of kisses to my face and belly every single morning, it is so very sweet..He always kisses belly and speaks to baby too.. I am sure baby loves that:)

He just gets me, I can be a raging lunatic and he just calmly makes me feel better and he never gets mad BACK. This for me is astounding.

He is peaceful and calming. I love him.

I have found that there are things I adore, and things I really can't stand right now like:

I love baby clothes
I despise meanies
I love puppies
I despise people that yank their dogs around on the leash! EASE UP WILL YA! poor dog
I love the sunset
I despise the cold...
I love oranges, starfruits, kiwis
I despise anything FRIED
I LOVE to snuggle with my daughter
I love her smell
I despise dirty floors Especially hard wood
I LOVE cardigan sweaters
I despise my skinny jeans.....

By the way I am soooo totally showing, like I am having twins or something, it is crazy!
BUT we have already had 3 ultra sounds, and we only saw one little peanut.. :(
Ta ta for now, off to Christian Faith Center for the Vision Conference! Woo hooo.
Would God be angry if I skipped church so I can go home and SLEEP.. I wonder:)

A New Baby!!!

Rico and I received some pretty surprising news! We are having a baby!
Now, between the two of us, we already have 3.
19, 16, and 12 years old.
Baby, makes 4:)

After the initial shock, and undeniable panic all due to the fact that we hadn't planned on having baby before having WEDDING. We were hoping to do that first..

I don't want to marry this man because I feel like a happy family has to consist of man wife and children. I think there are ABSOLUTELY many successful beautiful, loving and thriving families in all shapes and sizes, whether it be single Mom, single Dad, two Moms, Grandma and Cousin,two Dads, whatever it may be, family is family and they are NOT all the same. BUT they are all work of God, He makes NO mistakes!

Yes I am Christian, yes I support families of all types, it is not my job to judge, it is my job to love.

So, that being said, I just want to speak with my heart when I express that I want to marry him because I love him deeply, peacefully, contently, and infinitely. I think life is short!
Why not get married to the man I love?
That's why we are rushing, we don't know what tomorrow will bring...

Plus, let's face it, a baby-free honeymoon sounds ideal:)

We are now deciding how to shift things a bit to accommodate our newest little one.
I have no problem rockin' my wedding dress with a baby belly:)
My son said it would be the "most beautiful thing ever". How sweet:)

Yesterday was our first appointment, we have been acting as though we were maybe 6-8 weeks prego. But according to our doctor, we are more like 10-12. Tomorrow morning we will confirm the exact week, at our ultrasound.
Apparently, right now she is the size of a small lime!
I had a feeling I was a bit further along, but then, I noticed in my capoeira pants that I had a bit of a hardened baby bump.
I also, cant lay flat on my stomach!
All signs of nearing the end of my first trimester!
This is Sparrow, now.
She has little fingers, her brain is developing at 100 cells a minute!
Her tiny teeth beds are developing and even finger nails!
She has a tongue and lips and her spine is no longer tail-looking:)

Sparrow Amaliah Cruz Israel:)

Thats her name and I am sticking to it. The only other name I was really considering was Amaliah or Chloe.
Chloe Anuhea Cruz Israel
or
Chloe Amaliah Israel
Purty.
But I like Sparrow and her nickname will just be "bird"
Why Sparrow?
Because his eye is on the Sparrow, and I know he watches me.:)
Only a hand ful of people like it as much as I do, and that's fine, the questions is, how can I get RICO on board:)