Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Big Day

I was doing some more research on preparing for Cochlear Implant Surgery. I even made myself watch a Youtube video and I didnt not get too dizzy this time.

I found this little template to help me with my book about our Journey, it is super cute and would have been great to give to Micah if he were a little older:)

I can't believe tomorrow is the big day. This weekend, I let Micah eat whatever he wanted:) We got his hair cut in preparation, since I am sure they will shave  that area, we opted for a  cute little feau hawk mo-hawk:) Its soo cute and my little boy now looks like a little boy not so much like a pretty little girl hehehe. It was sad to take his hair off but the new look is so darn adorable!

We went to church on Sunday where I prayed and prayed that the surgeon will have careful hands and that Micah recovers quickly and that I can actually go through with this. I actually get dizzy when I think about my baby being in pain, being swollen, and most of all being changed.. I know how this sounds to some parents, but this is how I feel....

Today I looked at him and he stared right into my eyes and his eyes welled up a bit but he wasn't crying and I was scared he was trying to tell me something..... Do you believe that sometimes you can hear your children even if they are not saying or signing anything? I do..

That maternal connection is very real.

Am I ever going to be okay with this? Am I going to forever wonder if this was the right thing to do? Or will he just thrive and be happy and I will realize all of this was just my own issues???

I don't know, but it is 12:16 AM on surgery day and I am working at the office. Because I can't sleep and because I have to keep busy so I don't panick.

IN just a few short hours I will have to hand my baby over to a nurse and wait for the most painful 2-4 hours of my LIFE until they tell me I can see him again.

Somewhere out there someone is in a much tougher spot than me- I have to be grateful and I have to be strong for my Micah.. KEEP IT TOGETHER WENDY it will all be okay!!

Oh my God look at this little face...

Thursday, April 25, 2013

5 days

My emotions are all over the place.
But everyone else is so calm.
I find myself trying to mirror their calmness so I don't seem like a crazy person when I have to tell them about the procedure.
I want to say, hold on while I go faint. BRB.
My baby, is going under the knife, no matter how to say it, this is what I hear when anyone says surgery or procedure. (knife, knife and cut and my baby).......

Okay well got that off my chest-
On the upside of things, everyone is excited
and Rick and I both have time off after the surgery and
I will be able to snuggle him every minute of every day for a week.
I admit this, I try to remember how his eyes will light up when he hears our voices in
conjunction with signs. I cant wait to see how he connects the languages
and uses them both.
As far his first sounds, I am going to sing every cute little song I can think of and make him laugh and giggle and just hope and pray that it won't be scary for him.
In fact I am pretty sure his first sounds will startle him. I am hoping the audiologist lets me take lead on activation day to avoid loud noises that could freak him about but introduce sound softly to help warm him up to receiving them.
Sometimes you gotta strong arm these docs to remind them who is Mom!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Kaitlyn the Great:)

Kaitlyn, One of the Deaf Moms at HSDC did a presentation about parenting and interacting with ASL.
She and her husband followed their little girl around naturally and signed the normal interactive signs and engaged in ways I do with Micah.

I dont know why but since I am the emotional sap that I am, I totally fought back tears....  I am not Deaf, but I do the same things she does which tells me my heart and instinct are on point and that my visual interaction with Micah are what  a Deaf Mom would do and my heart melted with happiness and broke at the same time. Hard to explain....

I Love him. What can I say. I am grateful tgat am so in tuned with him.

it feels good to know I am doing something right:)

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Plus-Sized Swag

It's not easy dressing ALLLL-a-DIS
For one, I have to find pants that fit my big ole booty, and vivacious thighs:)
But, I am also short, so I have to find curve fitting pants that dont bunch up all over my ankles.

This is NOT easy, but I have found some brands that work with me- JAG jeans/ all kinds of stuff in the TBD department at Nordies, and lots of online stores. Need to list those soon!

Micahs latest signs!!

Micah is signing Mom and saying Mama at the same time, with or without hearing aids, like a pro!
He signs- eat, more, light, balloon, ball, FISH - (fish is his favorite lately) shoes! Soo cute! Go little guy:) I love him to Reeses Pieces!

Its amazing to see his language just exploding and he is thriving in every way. It also feels good that we have respected both languages and have given each one time to grow and develop. Its been tough but its been beautiful and with each new sign and new word I realize the bilingual approach was just right for him!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

April 30- quickly approaching

The big day is coming, in just a couple weeks.

Does it feel right? (sort of)
Does it scare the shit out of me? (HELLYES)
Do I still believe in our decision (yes)

I met a young lady last week at the Capoeira Womens Encounter event and she was profoundly Deaf. She spoke and lip reads and I somehow was able to spot her in the crowd pretty quickly.  We practiced together and sat together to eat and I asked her if she could sign. She said yes and we began to talk about Capoeira. She was pretty amazing, she is in college and trainins capoeira regularly.  I took the opportunity to talk to her about Micah's implant decision and she was fully supportive and was so happy that we are also using ASL with him.

She is Deaf, she was not implanted, she uses hearing aids and she is living a full wonderful life and has been taking speach therapy since she was 1 just like Micah.
Anyways, she inspired me and I was so glad to meet her!

Micah can do anything, any other child can do. I know many people don't know that life is limitless for him, some people assume he cant play sports, or drive, etc. But he can do anything but hear. All Deaf or hard of hearing children can!


As I grow older, I am learning that I am a lover not a fighter and I am vigilant for my happiness and peace. When someone tries to dirsupt my peace I do not and will not tolerate it. If extending peace to them doesnt work, then it is much easier for me to walk away. You cannot force someone to find their peace and happiness, and you can not give soo much of yours to them that you have nothing left.

I am much happier with making a person smile, when they love to smile, or making a person laugh that loves laughter.