Tuesday, April 26, 2011

life.....


It seems like just yesterday when Elijah was 3. Now my boy is almost 17 and going to be a Dad.

At first, when Elijah hesitantly, shared the news with me. I was angry, I was sad, I was disappointed, and scared. I was worried that my son was signing up for a life of difficulty, struggle, and trials no young man should endure before seeing the world, taking in the beauty of distant lands and loves.
I just wanted so much more for him.

But as you know, I too, fell in puppy love at 12 and was 16 when we found out I was pregnant. We had our son, Elijah, at 17. One choice that I did not want to pass down to my own children was the choice to become a very young parent.

Because even though I was a good Mother, I should have waited, until we were both much more mature. We were just so sure that our life was perfect, and that we would provide a perfect upbringing for our son, and the world seemed like it would bend to our will. But we struggled, and had to juggle parenting with self discovery and that, my friends, is why we should have waited.

We are different people at 17 than we are at 20, or 25, or 30 and our patience and wisdom, grows with age and our children deserve to have adults as parents, not children, as parents, children that are still learning soo much about the essentials of life...


However,

when I told my parents, I was not met with anger, I was met with support, and love. When we told his parents, we were not scolded or yelled at, we were met with even more support and love.

So my reaction to my son's news didn't reflect that... I yelled, cried,probably scared Elijah half to death, and felt sick for days. It was fear...
All I wanted, was for him to live, see the world, and have countless adventures before being tied down by family.


I wanted him to be free and able to do as he pleased without the heavy worries of life's big responsibilities, at 17, or worrying about having a sitter so he can finish school, or take a test, or work his first job. So on and so forth my mind was reeling with confusion and worry....

I was heart broken, almost the point of utter denial. I never spoke of it to anyone but my children or Rico, plus since I am pregnant too, I just kept thinking of how life was about to go spinning out of control for all of us and the life I have always considered light, happy and blessed was going to take a hard turn.

But time passed, and I lifted my hands to God and prayed daily, to give me strength to help see my son through this. He is terrified, and worried that he now has a hopeless future, probably because of how he was met with anger and sadness when he told us they were having a child.

I realized, now is the time to strengthen that backbone of mine, and test the courage, optimism, and strength I have always believe to be born into my soul, and be supportive of my son and their decision to have a baby.

God comforted me, and gave me back that strength and understanding and the ability to give my son hope, and support even if I do not agree with the decision, I will be loving and supportive of my son and any decision he makes.

I now, paint my babies room, knowing that it will be a room for two adorable little baby boys and I will LOVE, adore and treat Elijah's son, as my own, and I will hear the laughter and tears of those two boys and I won't even know what life was like, nor will I remember the day I was
saddened by the news of the arrival of my first grandson.

Because at that point all he will bring to my world is happiness.

I don't care about what anyone thinks, I care about what Elijah thinks. Of his future, and his goals, and what he can accomplish despite being a young Father. I care that he sees just as bright and full of a future as anyone else. I don't want him to lose faith or hope so I have to remind him that this will be a challenge
but that he can still accomplish ANYTHING he can dream up in that
peanut head of his:)


I can't wait to meet the little guy, and he already has a built in best-friend in my belly-baby, Micah:) Just like Elijah had his Rickey.

I might be one young Lola, but I am ready
Thanks for reading, as our family is growing, I am seeing my role morph and change and every part of that feels like a blessing even the little suprises:)

3 comments:

Nicole said...

God has a perfect plan for you both! Praying for Elijah, momma, & his son to be! You as well, he's blessed to have you & his dad in his life to help him through this! Congrats to you both! lots of love....N

mbphotography said...

thankyou for sharing! What wonderful news of your own personal dicovery and both boys in bellys coming at the same time. Embrace these blessings and magical moments.Truly a remarkable story!

Linda said...

That was amazing! Only God could've orchestrated that. I love how His Ways are perfect, regardless of our feelings of inadequacy, HE MAKES NO MISTAKES!
Every baby deserves the chance the Creator has allowed him or her. Congrats, love, and God's blessings and guidance in these new roles!