Just when I thought I was making some progress. And Cute video of Micah:)

One of the hardest parts of this journey, has been being able to accept the thought of the cochlear implant procedure on my son. It alone is enough to make me want to pass out as I have reflected on other posts.  Recently some friends got the cochlear implant for their daughter, and though I completely support and understand their decision for their child, I saw them at Children's hospital when I was there for an appointment, and I saw them on the day of their daughter's implant activation.  They were perfectly calm, and their daughter was fine, she had recovered really well
after surgery and was running around and happy and well
 just days after it. But  when I saw them, I talked to them, and was excited for them but as soon as I walked away, I had a panic attack. I was on the verge of tears and couldn't hold them back. Why does my heart break for these children, and more importantly, how am I going to be supportive of the decision for Micah, if I cant even handle someone else getting it? I thought I could open up more to the idea, and I have been trying, but whenever I take take two steps toward it, I take 4 steps back. I think I really need some counseling or something around this issue. Till this day, I cannot imagine myself going IN to the hospital, handing Micah over to the surgeons, and being able to wait in the waiting room while they perform this invasive procedure on my son, when I know he can be a perfectly successful thriving happy human being without it!!!!! Does anyone out there feel me? Why do I feel soo alone in this. Not even Rico agrees with me. But I understand his viewpoint too. Opportunities, the more we can provide for our children, the better. Right?

Aural Habilitation Mondays

Micah began seeing Dr. Nancy Watson at Childrens the other week on Mondays.  He is learning to listen and make use of the limited sound he gets through his hearing aids.  I am noticing that he enjoys the sounds he gets, he no longer pulls on his hearing aids and he combines vocalization with sign. He loves Yo Gabba Gabba and singing/signing songs! Seriously, I am so rediculously crazy about this kid.

Every time we see Dr. Watson, she tells me I am her dream Mom and she is soo hapy I am Micahs Mom cause I already do soo many of the things she wants us to do. Somehow it came to me organically, I dont know, but I am grateful that I am doing it right!:) I am also happy that she is soo respectful fo our bilingual approach that she uses sign with him as well as speech.

As for ME (sometimes I forget there even is a ME) Moms, you feel me!!!


 I have definitely been isolating a bit and not talking to many people as I am focused on making these huge decisions and work, and just being a Mommy and Lola. Life is soo busy right now, and I am in place where I need to process and figure some things out.Some of my lovely friends get it, and I am soo thankful, but others dont and my heart tells me that they will come around when the time is right.

Our Journey - Micah & Cochlear Implants

Our Journey - Micah & Cochlear Implants - Continued

I have been working on a video blog of the cochlear implant decision process, and just Micah's day to day life.  I really suck at video editing, thank goodness my Brother is learning about film production and editing.. HELP ME RICKEY:)

Micah's signs are emerging!! It is soo exciting, he is signing Mom, eat, more, up, and want. He is also crawling at the speed of light and standing on things, also feeling comfortable enough to let go.

We are still no closer to deciding about the implant ( I am still not closer)! The other week we met up with other families from our ASL class, and one little girl was getting ready to get implanted on the 19th, I found myself apprehensive about it, and feeling sorry for the little girl. I observed my feelings.  I believe in her family's choice, but I found myself feeling like, I couldn't do that to Micah.  This instinctive protective natural reaction is how I feel about the implant all the time. 

Like I have to protect him from it. Protect him from all the hearing people that want him to change and be like them. When he is perfect just as he is!!

I am digging deeper into these feelings and trying to sort it all out.

I had a dream the other night that I packed and took him in the middle of the night, right before his scheduled surgery, I literally ran away from him to protect him from the surgery!

I am praying and praying for some clarity and that God helps me with this decision so that my emotions around the whole thing doesnt effect me knowing deep down what is best for him. I am still reaching out to Deaf people, to get more information. I still have soo many questions!

Weightloss Journey

SO I joined this group caled Botycampers, ran by my pal Jeni Fujita, who is life coach and fitness extraordinaire, not to mention, an amazing singer to boot.

Soo far, I have lost 12 lbs.   I am proud to say the weight is coming off consistently, and I am drinking atleast 8 8oz glasses of water, and getting some cardio and strength training in every day. I am trying to eat healthier, but I dont beat myself up over a few dark chocolate pieces. Heres my latest body pic.  I am at 187.5! My goal isnt really a number, but a feeling, the feeling of less knee pains, feeling good in my size 10 jeans. I want to see my facial bone structure again, and I am slowly getting there! It feels pretty bad-ass actually:)

THIS IS ME WITHOUT ANY SPANX, HEHE. TOOK SOME GUTS FOR ME TO TAKE THIS ONE:)

 

Coming from a person who felt like a total hottie at 200 lbs, well, confidence has never been an issue, health , however, has gotten worse as my weight went up, and I cant wait to get rid of all these aches and pains!!

You're Amazing Just the Way You Are

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vrboKNjpMk&feature=BFa&list=LLFhtl5GcP_438cF0uVsNYRg

Meeting another CI family

Today I am meeting a family with a 4 year old who was implanted- they Mother is Deaf, and the Father is hearing.

They use the bilingual approach with their child and she signs sometimes and speaks other times. I am looking forward to meeting them and hearing about the journey to their decision!

My last meeting scared me a bit. I met a family with a 10 year old boy who got two failed implants. Needless to say I left feeling like I would never get one for MIcah. Something about the way his ear was shaped caused issues with the implant. I need to know of these stories, this is real and can happen!!

They were implanted in CA. Not at Childrens hospital. The parents dont sign much.

Youtube created a Momster:)

Me singing my favorite song EVER Foolish Games.. More songs to come:) I love to sing:)