Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Big Day

I was doing some more research on preparing for Cochlear Implant Surgery. I even made myself watch a Youtube video and I didnt not get too dizzy this time.

I found this little template to help me with my book about our Journey, it is super cute and would have been great to give to Micah if he were a little older:)

I can't believe tomorrow is the big day. This weekend, I let Micah eat whatever he wanted:) We got his hair cut in preparation, since I am sure they will shave  that area, we opted for a  cute little feau hawk mo-hawk:) Its soo cute and my little boy now looks like a little boy not so much like a pretty little girl hehehe. It was sad to take his hair off but the new look is so darn adorable!

We went to church on Sunday where I prayed and prayed that the surgeon will have careful hands and that Micah recovers quickly and that I can actually go through with this. I actually get dizzy when I think about my baby being in pain, being swollen, and most of all being changed.. I know how this sounds to some parents, but this is how I feel....

Today I looked at him and he stared right into my eyes and his eyes welled up a bit but he wasn't crying and I was scared he was trying to tell me something..... Do you believe that sometimes you can hear your children even if they are not saying or signing anything? I do..

That maternal connection is very real.

Am I ever going to be okay with this? Am I going to forever wonder if this was the right thing to do? Or will he just thrive and be happy and I will realize all of this was just my own issues???

I don't know, but it is 12:16 AM on surgery day and I am working at the office. Because I can't sleep and because I have to keep busy so I don't panick.

IN just a few short hours I will have to hand my baby over to a nurse and wait for the most painful 2-4 hours of my LIFE until they tell me I can see him again.

Somewhere out there someone is in a much tougher spot than me- I have to be grateful and I have to be strong for my Micah.. KEEP IT TOGETHER WENDY it will all be okay!!

Oh my God look at this little face...

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